I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
