I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
