Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
