positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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