It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
