I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
