I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
