It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
