I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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