evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
