how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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