two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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