what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is my gift to your gina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
