My first STD was from a foam party
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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