Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
