I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
