You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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