Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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