he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
