just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
