Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
