He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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