Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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