The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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