My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
