the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
