Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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