My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
