Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
