So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
