i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
