U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
