this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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