she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
