He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
