I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
