We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
