Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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