About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
