Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
