so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
