just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
