The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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