Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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