Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
