i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
