hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
