I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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