my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
