i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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