Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
