I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
