Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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