I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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