did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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