He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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