everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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