i will never coherently bang her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
