I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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