I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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