I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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