he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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