haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
