since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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