My pussy is not your playground.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
