Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
