I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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