I molested 6 butterflies tonight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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