Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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