yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
