I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
