just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
