She is in my trunk
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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