how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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