Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
