I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
