dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Everclear isn't food dammit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
